We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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