We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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