I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
