I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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