Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize