There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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