Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize