I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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