oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
