i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
