All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
