dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
