I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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