my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
