you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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