it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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