Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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