Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize