i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
