Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
