Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
