I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
