P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you win again, gameday.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
