I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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