I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
