My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
