...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
