We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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