apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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