Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
