I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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