She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize