I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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