No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
