I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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