How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You are a genius and a whore.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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