dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my liver is dry heaving
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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