I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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