Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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