wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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