I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize