I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
