I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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