They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
