I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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