I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize