spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
