Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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