Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
