That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So vagazzling was a success
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
