some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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