listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
