just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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