I think I am morally bankrupt
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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