I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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