god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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