I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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