You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
